The Oxford Rub
by E.T.R Da Polski
Summary: So, here's my third story. Stan and Kyle make a shock discovery about Joey my OC , giving Stan an idea. When he finds out a horrible truth, the boys get a big surprise and even more surprising visitor. There's a little competition going on involving the title. Guess what it means and you get a mention in this story and possibly an OC in another story. PM, review and enjoy!
1. Details And CatchUps

'ello, 'ello, 'ello and welcome to my third story! I hope this one will be a lot better than my other two. I will upload three chapters at a time, to keep your interest and to make it a whole load easier on me. If you haven't read my previous story here's a quick catch-up. Stan, Kyle and Joey, in this story as well as the one before, are brothers, Joey has a load of mental conditions, he had to go to the doctors 'cos he was getting worse, lack of sleep made him aggressive, he went on a date with Red after Stan found him on the roof looking at her house with binoculars, he punched Cartman when he was insulted by him and that's about it. By the way, the title is actually another name for a certain activity. If you can figure it out (don't Google it unless you're prepared for an eyeful) you will get a mention at the beginning of a chapter. Enjoy the story, review and PM me with your questions and guess's. Good luck!

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THE OXFORD RUB

29/05/2012

12:06:49

In the week the boys Mom was back a lot of things happened. I'll start with The Break-Up.

Joey was on his way over to Red's house to give her some bad news. In the week his Mom had been back, they had drifted apart and Joey didn't want to continue their relationship.

Or at least that's what Joey wanted her to believe. He knocked on the door and sighed, scuffing his shoes, knowing he'd have to be mean to someone he cared about. But she wasn't right for him.

In fact, she was completely the opposite of what he wanted. But more on that later. Red answered the door and smiled upon seeing who was there.

"Hi, Joey. What are you doing here?"

"Hi... I've got something to tell you. I'm sorry, Red, but I can't be with you anymore. I can't keep up this thing, I'd be hurting both of us."

"Oh... Don't worry, Joey. I understand."

"Really? Then, can we stay friends?"

"Yeah, sure. I agree, if we're in a relationship that isn't going anywhere, the best thing to do is end it. If we didn't, we'd just be suffering and it would ruin several aspects of our lives be it friends, family or school."

"Yeah..."

He hugged her and went back home. He lay down on the couch and sighed, realising it was doomed from the start.

Now for The School. I shall delve deeper into the particulars of school as you read further.

Joey felt he should be in school, when you think about his higher intelligance.

His first word at 8 months sounded vaguely like "Homosexual." It came out as "Humaseksul." the first time but it became clearer by the age of 1, when he was able to string together a sentence.

At 2 he had potty-trained himself and was showing signs of paruresis and insomnia.

At 3 he was able to read and write at the level of a 8 year old.

At 4 he was writing everything in cursive, learning calligraphy and showing signs of OCD.

At 5 he grew bored of the English language and insisted on learning something new.

He started to show bi-polar characteristics at 6, along with depression, mood-swings and restless leg syndrome.

At 7 he was baking better than a 50's housewife, a type of person he always compared himself to.

By the time he was 8 he was fluent in Polish, Russian, Slovakian, Latin and Swedish.

At the age of 9 he won his first chess game, playing against a child progidy and was showing signs of Sitophobia, Glossophobia and paranoia.

Now at the age of 10, he already has the average intelligence of any teacher at the school, probably more than them in some cases.

Stan and Kyle warned him about Cartman.

"Don't worry, if he bothers me, I'll punch 'im in the face again."

"Well, have you thought about what classes you're gonna take and what people you're gonna hang out with?"

"After checking out the class and student lists, I think I'll take History, Math, Latin cos I've pretty much got that down already, Science and... Home Economics."

"Why Home Ec?"

"I can already bake, I'm an awesome tailor and I've pretty much got the housewife thing down. It's an easy grade."

"Good point."

"I'll probably hang out with Thomas and Tweek Tweak."

"Why? Those two are the most ignored kids in school."

"That means I'll fit in perfectly. And, besides, that Thomas is kind of cu- uh, cool."

"Yeah..."

"Anyway, Mom got me in your class and I'll be going with you Monday. She was a little upset that she'll miss my first day but at least I'll be able to walk in with the two coolest guys in school."

Stan and Kyle blushed a little bit. Joey had always been excellent at the gentlemans art of flattery.

Now to get to the main story and we begin at Joey's first day in school...


	2. The First Day

Okay, second chapter. Any idea what the title means? Can you tell what it is yet?

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5:50 AM

Joey woke up 10 minutes earlier than usual, probably due to excitement. He got dressed into his regular ensemble, brushed his teeth and woke up Stan and Kyle. He made breakfast for all 3 of them and by half-past 6 they were ready to go.

School doesn't start until 9 o'clock.

Stan and Kyle slumped into the couch and watched Terrance & Phillip. Joey slung on his backpack and walked into the living room.

He looked at Stan and Kyle and with a hint of anger in his voice, he asked them "Why aren't we already on our way to school?"

"Because school doesn't start until 9."

"Well, you guys can stay here. I'm going to school."

He walked out the door with a thumb through the right strap of his backpack.

"We better go with'm."

Stan sighed and slipped off the couch like a slug before slowly grabbing his backpack and pulling it on. Kyle did the same but with a lot more sighing and cursing. They went out the door and saw Joey walking down the street.

"Joey, wait. We're coming with you."

He turned around and stopped. Stan and Kyle could literally feel the excitement buzzing off Joey.

He was shaking a little bit but Stan didn't say anything about it.

What if Thomas and Tweek don't like me? He thought. He was silently hoping that if Thomas didn't like him, Tweek would.

As they got near the doors, Joey coughed a few times and re-adjusted his jumper. He made sure his shoe laces were tied, God forbid he trips over his first day. They were. Joey walked up to the door and pushed it open. The sight in front of him was unlike anything his eyes had ever witnessed.

The roaming halls and the blue lockers, the high ceilings and the early morning silence. It was intoxicating. Joey walked in with a twirl and a click of his heels.

He really needs to stop watching The Wizard of Oz.

"This is awesome! I don't know why you guys complain so much."

He had no idea what he was in for. Joey marched off through the halls, enjoying the freedom. He knew it would flooded with students soon so he decided to dance and run through them. He was interrupted by a strange noise.

"AH!" Joey stopped and looked around. He saw Tweek pressed up against his locker, his typical look of shock and fright doubled at the sight of a kid he doesn't know skipping through the hall at 6:45 in the morning.

"Oh, hi, you must be Tweek. I'm Joey. I'm the new kid starting in your class today."

He stretched out his hand and Tweek shrieked.

"GAH! How do you know my name!" Tweek said, reluctantly shaking Joey's hand.

"I've got OCD and paranoia so I checked the student records to find out who I'd be going to school with."

The word paranoia echoed through Tweek's mind. Finally, another kid who has it. Someone who gets how he feels.

"I-I've got paranoia as well." He said, through clenched teeth.

"Really? Well, at least we've got something in common."

Stan and Kyle caught up with him and saw who he was with.

"OH, JESUS!" Tweek screamed upon seeing Stan and Kyle.

"Look! I already made a new friend!"

"Holy crap, not even 5 minutes into his first day and he's already got a friend."

"We REALLY need to ask him how he does that."

Him and Tweek continued speaking until 7:30, only interupted by the occasional squeal or whimper from the side of Tweek's mouth, which is when they decided to wait in class. On the way there, Joey saw someone else shutting their locker. It was Thomas. The only other boy in school he wanted be friends with was right in front of him.

Two friends on my first day before class has even started would be a pretty good record, he thought, with Tweek walking next to him, twitching and grunting.

"Shit!" Thomas yelled, due to his Tourette's.

Joey walked up to him nervously and decided to speak to him.

"Hi, Thomas? I'm Joey, I'm the new kid starting in your class today."

"Hi. I guess you've already met Tweek."

"AH!"

"Yeah, I saw 'im up against his locker. I looked over the student list to find who would be most suited to my friendship. As it turned out, you and Tweek had some pretty weird conditions so I knew I'd fit in with you, especially cos I'm pretty weird."

He knew that was a lie but Tweek and Thomas both believed it.

"Really? Tell me a little bit about yourself. Fuck, shit!"

"Where do I start...? My first word at 8 months was "Homosexual." It came out as "Humaseksul." the first time but it cleared by the age of 1, which was when I was able to string together a sentence. At 2 I had potty-trained myself and I was showing signs of paruresis and insomnia. At 3 I was able to read and write at the level of a 8 year old. At 4 I was writing everything in cursive, learning calligraphy, showing signs of OCD, that sorta stuff. At 5 I got bored of speaking English so I insisted on learning something new. I started to show bi-polar characteristics at 6, along with depression, mood-swings and restless leg syndrome. At 7 I was baking like some chick from the 50's. By the time I was 8 I was fluent in Polish, Russian, Slovakian, Latin and Swedish. At the age of 9 I won my first chess game, playing against some child progidy and I started showing signs of Sitophobia, Glossophobia and paranoia. Now at 10, I already have the average intelligence of any teacher at this school, probably more than them in some cases."

"Wow. Asshole!"

They walked into class and sat down, with Stan and Kyle following. Joey sat in the corner reading Battlefield 3: The Russian, his favourite book. Joey gave Thomas a book to read. A Dictionary of English Folklore.

"Here, read this. You'll like it."

"Fucking ass-lick! Thanks, Joey."

He saw Tweek scribbling on his arms with a pen.

"Tweek, there's easier ways to keep yourself busy in class."

"AH! Really?"

"Yeah, here, take a piece of paper and draw on that instead of your arms."

"T-Thanks."

Tweek scribbled violently on the paper. Joey gave him a few more sheets. The teacher, Mr. Garrison, walked in at 8:30.

"Oh, hello, sir. You must be Herbert Garrison. I'm Joey, your new student."

He said, shaking his hand. "Oh, yeah, you're that really smart kid. I spoke to your mother and from what I heard you are an incredibly advanced child."

"I wouldn't say incredibly advanced but I'm just a little bit higher up than most."

"Higher up? Your IQ is 34 points higher than mine!"

Wow. He must be an idiot, Joey thought.

"Okay, just take a seat and we can wait for everyone else." Joey sat back down, but felt his desk wasn't in the ideal position. He got up, grabbed his things and moved them to the corner.

"Joey, what are doing?"

"Nothing, sir, just making sure I'm in the right position to optimize my learning experience."

"Little smart-ass." Garrison muttered under his breath. He was shifting his desk for a few minutes before pushed it up next to Thomas. That was excactly Joey's plan.

He grabbed his things and put them in his desk before sitting down. He looked at Thomas and gave a small smile. Thomas looked directly in his eyes and smiled back. Joey felt his heart pound and his body melt at this small amount of contact. He had to keep a calm composure. Wouldn't want to make a bad impression on your first day, he thought.

Stan and Kyle watched his reaction to Thomas smiling at him. They looked at each other, knowing they had the same thought in their heads. "That was weird." After the ring of the bell, the other students came rushing in. "AH!" Tweek screamed. "Fucking shit!" Thomas yelled. Joey still found this an attractive quality.


	3. The Truth

Still don't know what the title means? Well, congrats if you know and get that brain in gear if you don't! Remember, the first to get it right gets a mention in this story and possibly an OC of theirs in another. So, start typing and send in those PM's!

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12:25 PM

Joey was still occasionaly glancing at Thomas. Every time he did so Thomas looked back and every time it sent a shiver of excitement down Joey's spine.

The bell rang and everyone who could be bothered to study put away their notebooks and pencils.

"Okay, class, it's time for recess. Make sure you think over all the things we've discussed."

You mean all the things I'VE discussed cos everyone else is a fucking idiot who couldn't give a crap about their future enough to lift their arm to answer the simplest fucking questions... except Thomas, Joey thought.

As they walked out the classroom, Stan and Kyle called Joey towards them. He ignored their attempts to get his attention and instead got Thomas and Tweek to follow him out.

Stan and Kyle didn't like the way Joey was looking at Thomas and Tweek. It seemed a bit too suspicious.

Firstly, he only wanted to be friends with 2 boys, secondly, he blushed just being around Thomas and thirdly, he was in all the same classes they were in.

Stan and Kyle didn't bother confonting him but instead continued down the hallway. Along the way, Stan saw Wendy. He took a deep breath and walked over to her.

"Oh, hi, Stan."

"Hi, Wendy. Look, I know we've had our up's and downs with each other but I've got a question to ask you."

"What is it?"

"...Do you want to go out sometime?"

Wendy paused and considered her options. "Uh... yeah, Stan. I'd love to."

She grabbed Stan's hand and they both smiled. They continued out to the playground. Kyle was doing a similar thing with Bebe at the same time.

"So? Do you?"

"Hell, yeah! I'd do anything to get with that ass!" She smacked him on the behind and held his hand, following Stan and Wendy.

Joey, Tweek and Thomas were the last to go out. They waited until the halls had cleared and slowly moved outside.

They sat on the steps, reading and writing down notes for their Latin and Home Economics classes.

"Do you guys wanna come over to my place after school?"

"GAH! Won't your brothers be there?" Tweek said, grinding his teeth.

"No, I'm pretty sure they're gonna be otherwise engaged tonight." He said, pointing with his fountain pen at the 2 new couples.

"I'll come. Asshole!"

"You in, Tweek?"

"AH! S-sorry, I can't. I've got a load of homework to catch up on. I think."

This is what Joey secretly wanted. To be alone with Thomas. But more on that later.

1:00 PM

"All you lil' bastards get inside for lunch!" Mr. Garrison yelled out into the schoolyard.

Joey, Tweek and Thomas were sat right in front of him. "OH, JESUS!" "Fucking cock!"

Joey didn't react. He stood up and walked back in. Tweek and Thomas followed him. They dragged their feet through the halls as dozens of students walked past, going through and around them, as if they were ghosts. Joey didn't care. He was with his 2 new best friends, on his first day at school and he was going home with Thomas.

They got to the cafeteria and Joey stopped outside the entrance. "Joey, aren't you coming in?"

"No, I've got Sitophobia. I can't eat or drink in public."

"Why don't you just come in anyway? If we sit at the same table, people might leave us alone."

"Okay..." Joey walked in and looked at everyone. Suddenly, his vision zoomed out, went faded and dark in the corners. "Joey? You okay?" Thomas asked. Joey's eyes darted from corner to corner until he caught a glance of Thomas. He looked worried. Joey didn't like that look.

It's a look he's seen far too many times in his 10 years of existence. He shook his head a few times and rubbed his eyes. He replied. "Uh... yeah, I'm fine." Stan and Kyle waved him over to their table but Joey's gaze was fixated on Thomas.

"Joey! Over here!" Joey snapped out of his trance, angrily. He put his middle finger up to Stan and Kyle before sitting down next to Thomas and Tweek.

Stan and Kyle sat agape in shock, staring at Joey, who was in spirited conversation with his friends. Kyle got up and quickly walked over to Joey.

"Joey, what the FUCK was that!"

"What?"

"OH, JESUS! TOO MUCH PRESSURE!" Tweek grabbed his head and pulled it down onto the table, avoiding a fight.

"Joey, you just fucking flipped off me and Stan! What's wrong with you!"

"Look, Kyle..." He said, hopping off his chair and pulling Kyle into the corner. "I know."

"Know what?"

"I know I'm adopted."

"Adopted!" Stan heard Kyle yell, so he walked into the corner with them.

"Joey, what the fuck are you doing?"

"I'm just telling Kyle that I know I'm adopted."

"What? You're not adopted."

"Of course I am! I am nothing like you backwards hicks! Think about it! I don't have any memorys of you two in my childhood, I am an incredible amount smarter than you, I have mood swings, depression, bi-polar disorder, OCD, paranoia, paruresis, Sitophobia, Glossophobia, restless leg syndrome and insomnia! No-one in my supposed family has record of any of those conditions! Face the facts! I. AM. ADOPTED."

Stan and Kyle stood open-mouthed in front of him. "You can't prove it, Joey."

"Yes, I can. I found the adoption certificate. Mom didn't even give me a last name. I'm just Joey. Nothing else."

He walked back towards his table and stopped halfway there. He turned around to face them.

"And if you don't mind, I'd prefer it if you spent the night with your girlfriends. Thomas is coming home with me."

He sat down and resumed his conversation. "Sorry about that, guys. Where were we?"

Stan and Kyle couldn't believe it. Their lives had been turned upside down. They slowly walked back to their table and sat next to their respective girlfriends.

"What's wrong, Stan?" Wendy asked, holding his hand.

"It's Joey, he's... adopted."

The news was still sinking in for Stan and Kyle. Joey was still talking with his friends. Joey decided to take a chance in his coversation with Thomas.

"So, Tom, what do you wanna do tonight?" Thomas paused for second. No-one had ever called him Tom.

"Uh, I dunno, whatever you wanna do, I guess..." He said, with a shy smile, twiddling his fork and looking down at his plate. Joey noticed his body language. He seemed a little bit fidgety and he couldn't make eye contact with Joey for very long. He must like me, Joey thought.

"Well, I was thinking we could play Halo and..." Thomas didn't hear any of it. He was just staring at Joey. Luckily, Joey was looking at his hands and counting the different things they could do so he didn't notice.

Joey finished and looked at Thomas. They both felt a tingle in their chests when they looked at each other. Thomas didn't even notice he'd finished talking. "Tom? You alright?" Thomas sputtered a couple of times. "Uh, yeah, yeah, that sounds great."


	4. The Admission

Anyone know the answer to the title competition? Any and all guess's welcome! Hope you enjoy this chapter, sorry it's so short, let me know what you think.

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2:55 PM

Five minutes till home, Joey thought, just five minutes.

"Okay, children, don't forget to do your homework and bring it in with you tomorrow. Especially you, Eric."

"What? Shouldn't you be telling the new kid that? He's probably a retard."

Joey clenched his fists, stood up and walked to Cartman's desk.

"I'M the new kid, Eric."

"Aw, shit."

"That's right. Before you speak about me like that again, think about what happened. A broken nose. I can do it again."

Stan and Kyle weren't paying attention. They didn't care. They knew Joey could fend for himself.

The bell rang before it could go any further. Cartman carefully tiptoed round Joey and walked out the classroom. Joey grabbed his backpack and put the things from his desk into it.

"You ready to go, Thomas?"

"Yeah, let's go. Fucking dick!"

They set off through the halls and saw Stan, Wendy, Bebe and Kyle.

"Hey, Tom, watch this." He took a deep breath and yelled out. "Eĭ, Diks i kiski!"

The two couples turned around.

"Peryeĭti yebet sebya! Peryeĭti yebet sebya! Peryeĭti yebet sebya! Peryeĭti yebet sebya!"

Pointing at them individually with each shout. They looked at him angrily and kept walking.

"What did you say to them?"

"I called them dicks and pussies and told them to go fuck themselves in Russian."

Thomas and Joey laughed and continued towards and the door.

They saw the 2 pairs going the other way down the street. Joey couldn't resist taking another shot at insulting them.

"Ha kul, fitta huvuden!" They turned around and gave a few rude and confused looks at Joey.

"What did you call them then?"

"I told them to have fun and I called them c-u-n-t heads in Swedish."

Thomas smirked and giggled a few times as they neared the house. Joey grabbed his keys and unlocked the door.

He pushed it open and held it ajar for Thomas. He walked inside, took his shoes off and looked around.

"Wow, you've got a nice house, Joey. Ass-licking dick face!"

"Hang on, I'll get you something to drink."

Joey took his shoes off and put them by the door, next to Thomas's. He walked into the kitchen and poured a glass of orange juice for Thomas.

He saw him debating what drink to have at lunch and he decided on milk against orange juice. It made sense to give him orange juice now. Joey turned on the TV and handed Thomas his drink.

"Thanks, Joe."

Joey froze for a second and looked at Thomas.

Joey had never been called Joe before.

Ever.

"You're welcome..." He thought about it then said. "...Tommy."

Joey sat down on the couch and patted the space next to him.

"C'mon, sit down. There's a new Terrance & Philip episode starting in couple of minutes."

Thomas sat down and looked at Joey as he strectched and slumped down in the corner of the couch. Thomas started to look fidgety and nervous.

"Tom, you okay?" Joey pondered the implications his strange behaviour could have.

"Y-yeah, I'm-I'm fine." He tugged at his collar a little bit before asking Joey something. By this time, it was half-past 3.

"Joey, I've a got really weird question to ask you and it's fine if you don't wanna answer it."

Joey knew what he was going to ask.

"Joey... are you... gay?"

Joey had prepared himself for this but he didn't realise how strange it would be to get asked this. He sighed, sat up and provided his answer.

"Yeah. I am." Thomas twiddled his thumbs and scratched his arms a bit.

"Well... I am, too."

Joey was shocked.

He didn't expect him to be gay. He was hoping he was at least bi-curious.

"Really?"

"Yeah, but I was wondering... is that why you invited me over?"

"To be honest, that was sorta the reason and lets face it, the odds of me finding another gay kid South Park are incredibly slim. But, I like you, I really do."

"I like you too."

Thomas smiled shyly and shuffled closer, grabbing Joey's slim, smooth hand. Joey smiled back confidently, blushing heavily, but it didn't matter.

Thomas looked like a strawberry from his his own increased blood flow.

They watched TV, occasionaly looking at each other and smiling. Thoughts of Stan and Kyle crossed his mind every once in a while but he didn't dwell on them.

He was focused on his own happieness.

"Hey, Tom, do wanna see my drum kit?"

"Sure."

"Go out to the garage, I'll go get my drum sticks."

"'Kay."

Joey ran upstairs and went to grab his sticks when he looked out the window. He leant his elbows on the sill and stared at his binoculars.

I can't believe I used these to peep on Tom for 2 years, he thought.


	5. The Sight

'Kay, 5th chappy-chap, anyone any closer to guessing the title meaning? Okay, a hint. It's goes by the other names as follows: Princeton rub, tummy stix and sword-fighting. Any thoughts? Oh, I sort of went on a little rant near the end of this chapter, you'll be able to tell what part it is. If it offends anyone I apologise but the chapter just isn't the same without it. It was heavily edited before being put on here. PM, review, all that bippity-boppity junk.

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S & K 3:00 PM

"Ha kul, fitta huvuden!" Joey yelled with Thomas snickering beside him.

Stan snorted angrily with a frown on his face, knowing it was an insult.

"What did he say?"

"Just ignore 'im. He's being an ass."

"Well, he did find out he's adopted. That's gotta be hard for anyone."

"Yeah..." Kyle said, ignorantly.

They continued to Bebe's house without even glancing back at Joey.

Stan didn't care and if Kyle was in a distressed or angry state, you couldn't tell.

He was shockingly adept at covering his feelings.

Stan gripped Wendy's hand as Bebe opened the door, smacking Kyle on the ass as he walked in. Kyle sat down, crossing his arms and Stan plopped down opposite him.

Bebe and Wendy went into the kitchen, discussing several girly topics.

"Whaddaya think they wanna do with us?"

"Dunno."

"Kyle, are you alright? You seem to be taking all of this really well."

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"No, Kyle, I know you. You're upset but you don't want anyone to know. I'm sad but I don't need to cover it up."

"Stan, you don't know how I feel. I was always standing up for him, helping him. But it just seems like a waste now."

"It wasn't a waste. You prepared him and I don't think he's gonna forget that."

"Yeah, I hope so. Even though we're not his real brothers, he won't cut us out of his life. That's just not like him."

They were right. He would stay in contact with them. In the years that followed, Joey did some things of questionable moral standing to keep Thomas with him, leading to a big move in their life. But, to keep you interested, I'll continue this story before advancing.

6:00 AM

Stan and Kyle slept over at Bebe's to avoid Joey. Joey woke up quickly and got dressed even quicker.

He grabbed his things and charged out the door, not even stopping to get breakfast. He ran to school where he saw Thomas standing outside, leant against the flagpole with his right foot pressed onto it.

"Tom!" Thomas turned around and saw Joey coming towards him, full speed, arms ready to receive a hug. He collided into him and gripped tightly, making Thomas cough.

"Hi, Joey." Thomas said, sounding incredibly strained.

Joey gripped his hand and planted a small kiss on his cheek. Thomas quivered a little bit after the kiss but he managed to keep himself upright long enough to walk in to school, talking about class.

At the same time as this, Stan and Kyle were already awake, getting ready for school. Bebe and Wendy were awake but still in bed.

Stan and Kyle got their things, said goodbye and made their way to school.

As they walked in awkward silence, they heard a shout come from the school.

"Tom!"

Stan and Kyle stopped and looked at each other.

They recognised that voice.

Joey.

They kept going and eventually saw him running to the flagpole with Thomas leant on it. They froze in their tracks at the sight before them.

Joey had just kissed Thomas.

"What the fuck...?" Stan muttered as he and Kyle saw them walk hand in hand.

"What was that?"

"I don't know." They continued gingerly and pushed through the doors.

Joey and Thomas were walking down the halls, chatting happily, when they heard Stan and Kyle.

"Joey! What the fuck is this?" Kyle said, making a confused gesture with his hands.

"What does it look like? We're dating, numb-nuts."

"Dating! But you were straight 3 weeks ago!"

"I've never been straight, Stan. Thomas, you go on ahead, I'll catch up."

"Okay. Shit! Asshole!"

Thomas let go of Joey's hand and waltzed into class, looking back at his boyfriend with a slightly worried expression.

"We thought you liked Red." Joey sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Do you remember when you caught me on the roof, staring through my binoculars at the other houses?"

"Yeah, you were looking at Red's house."

"No, I wasn't, I was looking at Thomas's house. I just made up an excuse and you 2 idiots belived me."

"But you've never acted gay, you never look at men, you don't dress gay, you do-"

"That's because I don't need to shout about it. Most men, straight or gay, are constantly pointing out what they are. Straight guys look at woman walking down the street and yell sexist abuse at them about their asses and their boobs. Gay men are, some of the time, too "loud" about it. It's okay to be proud of who you are but it may not be to everyone's taste. I mean, you''ll never see me marching down the street in skin-tight leather and pink boots at a gay pride parade. I can be sophisticated about it. I can dress like a straight guy, talk like a straight guy and work like a straight guy. The only diffrence is, at the end of the day, I'd be going home to a man. But why should you care? You're just interested in yourselves. You've never been nice to me. The only reason you were ever nice to me was to make your lives better. So think about that before you jump to conclusions."

Stan and Kyle were rendered dumb-struck by this shocking realisation. Joey walked off to the classroom, leaving Stan and Kyle feeling confused, upset and alone. They slowly walked to class, wondering how they would get through the rest of the day...


	6. The Shock

Still no closer to figuring it out my title riddle-diddly? Well, it's an activity that two otherwise inclined members of the male sex perform in the boudoir. That's the biggest and last hint I'ma give you. This is a soppy, sad and shocking chapter, hope you enjoy, next three chapters won't be up tomorrow but they will be up the day after. I want to see you suffer due to this cliff from which you will be hanging at the end of this chapter. It get's better after this. PM and review, let me know what you think of it.

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3:00 PM

Stan and Kyle were in horrible spirits for the whole day. They dragged themselves from class to class, speaking to no-one, doing fuck-all.

They passed the new couple in the halls a few times.

No words were exchanged.

In an event that made them question their sanity, they had to go home with that same couple.

Joey and Thomas walked ahead of them, ignoring their disproving gazes.

Stan and Kyle started to think about Joey. Maybe, Stan thought, if Joey's adopted, I could be too.

Kyle had a similar thought but in his mood, he was going to pay no attention to it. Joey and Thomas were talking rather loudly, as if to annoy Stan and Kyle.

"Stan, they are REALLY pissing me off now."

"I know, they're pissing me off too. Let's just get home, sit on the couch and watch Terrance & Philip."

As they neared the door, Joey didn't even let go of Thomas's hand to grab his keys. He fumbled through his multitude of keys and eventually found the house key.

He shoved it in the door and twisted it right then left.

He could never remember which way it opened.

He pushed it open and before he could move out the way, Stan and Kyle pushed past him, dropping their bags, kicking off their shoes and jumping on to the couch.

"Be careful, guys. You could hurt yourselves." Joey said, sounding honest enough.

"Uh, Joey, can I use your bathroom?"

"Yeah, sure. First room on the right."

"Thanks." Thomas ran off upstairs, gripping the front of his pants.

Joey walked up to the couch and leant on the arm rest to avoid close proximity to Stan and Kyle.

"So, what do you think?" Stan and Kyle ignored him, keeping their eyes trained on the TV.

"Look, I know you're upset. Just tell me why."

Kyle sat up and took a deep breath.

"Okay, I'll tell you why. All our lives, we've thought you were our real, straight brother. We thought we'd be guiding you through life, helping you with anything you wanted help with. But now you know you're adopted, you're probably gonna forget us on your first day of high school. You're just gonna be walking past us in the halls, not even acknowledging our excistence."

"Guys, I promise I won't do that. You may not be my real brothers but that doesn't mean I'm gonna forget you. No matter how old I am, no matter where I am, no matter what happens with me and Thomas, I will NEVER forget the things you've done for me. Kyle, you taught me to walk. That's something I'll never forget. Stan, you taught me to speak. Those are both amazing things that I use every day that YOU taught me. Everytime I talk, yell, shout, scream, walk, jog, run or sprint, I'm gonna think of you."

"It's... it's awesome to know that, Joey." Kyle said, sounding a little choked up with a smile on his face.

Joey turned around when he heard footsteps coming down the stairs, along with a relieved sounding sigh.

"Hey, Tom." Thomas hopped onto the couch and leant back, staring at the TV and signalling to Joey to sit next to him.

Joey sat down and shuffled up to him, allowing Thomas to stretch his arm around his small shoulders, pulling him in for a hug.

Stan and Kyle smiled at each other, both realising this is what Joey wanted all along and trying to prevent him from having this would be selfish.

4:00 PM

Joey and Thomas fell asleep after just 15 minutes of cuddling.

Stan and Kyle were drifting off as well but Stan kept himself awake by thinking about the possibility of him being adopted.

Suddenly, he felt Kyle's head hit his shoulder.

He was asleep, mouth open, drool poring out.

Stan gently pushed him off, rested his head on a scatter cushion and walked in to the kitchen to check the file cabinet. After a while of rooting through he found Joey's adoption certificate.

He read through it and felt a tear roll down his cheek as he saw the bottom, with "Childs Name" filled out as Joey.

Not even a second name.

He wiped his eyes and continued searching. He was just about to give up looking when he found a second certificate.

He gasped quietly as he read it, heart racing as he saw the lower section.

"Childs or Childrens Name: Stan, Kyle, Robert"

"Holy crap..." He felt his eyes welling up as he read the finer details.

"Related: Stan & Kyle: Full Brothers. Robert: Unrelated. Relatives: Stan & Kyle: Unknown. Robert: Half Brother of Joey. Parents: Unknown. Nationality: Stan & Kyle: American. Robert: British. Place of Birth: Stan & Kyle: South Park. Robert: Oxfordshire. Medical Conditions: Stan & Kyle: None Reported. Robert: Possible Mental Health Conditions Developing. Eye Colour: Stan: Blue. Kyle: Green. Robert: Brown. Hair Colour: Stan: Black. Kyle: Red. Robert: Black."

Stan was sobbing quietly as he finished reading. Kyle was aroused from his slumber by sniffling and rustling paper.

He slowly looked around and saw Joey snuggled into Thomas, fast asleep.

He smiled a little bit and got up to find the source of the sound. He walked into the kitchen and saw Stan, sat on the floor, holding a peice of paper and crying.

"Stan? Why are you crying?" Kyle said, drowsily.

"W-we're... adopted."

Kyle froze to his spot and his mouth dropped open.

"W-w-what do you mean "We're adopted."?"

"I thought if Joey's adopted, we might be too, so I checked the file cabinet and I found this."

He waved the certificate as Kyle moved closer and sat down. Kyle took it out of his hand and read it thoroughly.

"Wait, why does it say Robert? I don't remember him."

"Maybe we should ask Mom."

"Yeah, maybe we should."


	7. The News

5:30 PM

"Okay, bye, Mom." Stan hung up the phone and sat down with a sigh.

"So, what did she say?"

"Well, she said she adopted us at the same time but she adopted him..."

He said, gesturing at the sleeping couple huddled up on the couch.

"... a few months after us. That's why he has a seperate certificate."

"And what about Robert?"

"I was getting to that. She said we don't remember him because he was sent away to live with Mom's parents in London when he was 3."

"Why?"

"Apparently, he was a danger to us 'cos of his OCD, somethin' like that. She said they all came to Denver a few months ago and these "buisness trips" have actually been trips to visit him."

"Wow. Anything else?"

"Yeah, Mom said she's sending 'im down tomorrow to stay with us for a while. She called the school and got us tomorrow off so we can show him around. He's got a temporary place in our class and we're taking him with us Thursday. Mom's gonna stay with Granma an' Granddad 'cos Granma's not well."

"I wonder what he's like."

Joey shifted about in his sleep and dropped his head in Thomas's lap, using his hands as a pillow.

"We should talk about this in the kitchen so we don't wake them up."

They tiptoed to the kitchen and Stan sat down.

Kyle made himself a cup of coffee to help deal with the situation.

Clutching it with both hands, he sat down and took a sip.

"So, when should we tell Joey?"

"When he wakes up."

"Whenever that is."

"How do you think Joey's gonna react to this?"

"I think he'll be happy he's got a brother."

"Just explain it to him slowly. Show 'im the certificate and it'll be easier for him to understand."

"You seem to be taking this really well, Kyle. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I always had suspicions but I just ignored them. Joey was always so different than us but at least we know why."

"What do you think this Robert's gonna be like?"

"Well, if he's related to Joey, he's probably got a whole lotta problems. I think he's gonna be a bit of a hypochondriac, a little weird, stuff like that."

"Mom said that his OCD's pretty bad so we've gotta be careful around him."

"Let's hope it go's well."

9:00 PM

"Are they still asleep?"

"Hang on, I'll check." Stan tiptoed downstairs and peeked around the corner to see Joey and Thomas still in a deep slumber on the couch.

He creeped back upstairs, hoping they wouldn't wake up.

"Still asleep."

"Just leave 'em, we can tell Joey in the morning."

Stan crawled into bed and sighed, looking up at the ceiling and wondering what tomorrow would hold.

"Night, Kyle."

"Night, Stan."

5:50 AM

Joey slowly awoke from the longest sleep he's ever had.

He yawned a few times before looking up and smiling.

Thomas was still asleep. He gently lifted himself up and kissed Thomas on the forehead.

He walked up the stairs, got dressed and brushed his teeth.

He was just about to potter back down the stairs to get himself breakfast when he heard someone opening curtains.

He turned around and saw Kyle stumbling towards him.

"Morning, Kyle. Do you know how long I slept?"

"You fell asleep at 3:30."

"Three hours are better than nothing."

"No, 3:30 yesterday evening."

Joey looked shocked he had slept this long.

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"You haven't slept like that for so long and we didn't wanna disturb you."

"Well, I was just gonna make breakfast before I go to school, do you want anything?"

"Actually, we don't have school today."

"Why?" Kyle sighed and started to walk downstairs.

"Follow me, you need sit down before I tell you."

"Okay..." Joey followed him and sat down in the kitchen.

"So, what do you need to tell me, Kyle?"

Kyle pulled out the adoption certificate from the file cabinet and sat back down.

"This. Me and Stan are adopted." Joey read the paper with a look of sadness and confusion.

"Wait, why does it say "Robert" here?"

"Well, that's the thing. He's... your brother."

Joey stopped and looked at Kyle.

"This... this is... amazing!"

"What?"

"When can I meet him?" Joey said, excitedly hopping off his chair.

"Woah, slow down a bit Joey. Don't you wanna know how this possible?"

"I guess." Joey reluctantly sat down and leant on the table. After 10 minutes of explaining and going through the certificate, Joey was ecstatic.

"So, he's gonna be here at 10, and he's coming to school with us tomorrow."

"This is gonna be awesome! I wonder what he's like."

All this noise had woken Thomas. He remembered cuddling Joey and falling asleep on the couch, but nothing else.

"Joey?" He muttered quietly to himself. He got up and rubbed his eyes a bit before walking to the kitchen.

"Oh, hi, Tommy." Joey said, as he got up and hugged him. "Morning, Joe."

"You'll never believe what Kyle just told me."

"What?"

"Well, it turns out Stan and Kyle are adopted too."

"Wow, that's rough."

Kyle didn't say anything but made a "Meh." expression and lifted his hands in the air before placing them back under his chin.

"But the best thing is, I found out I have a brother!"

"Really? That's great!"

"Yeah, he's coming at 10 so I gotta get ready."

"Joey, it's 6:30 in the morning."

"That means I've only got 3 and a half hours left!"

Joey ran off upstairs, almost running into to Stan as he wobbled down the stairs. Stan staggered into the kitchen, eyes half-shut, and sat down.

"I guess he took that pretty well."

"Yeah, he can't wait."


	8. The Visit

8:00 AM

Robert was lying in bed, looking up at the ceiling. He had lived in London for 6 years but in all the time he was away, he never forgot his brothers.

Stan, black hair, blue eyes, red and blue bobble hat, brown jacket, blue trousers, red gloves.

Kyle, red hair, green eyes, green trapper hat, orange jacket, green trousers, green gloves.

Joey, black hair, brown eyes, brown cardigan, olive trousers, dark brown shoes, always wearing a watch.

Robert always wore the same thing, owning 5 pairs of all.

Burgundy cardigan, argyle pattern at the hem, pastel blue shirt, grey trousers, black shoes, blue scarf, an olive bag and never seen without his iPhone.

The taxi to take him to South Park was going to be here at half eight and he was about to meet his brothers.

Life was good.

He wondered if Joey would remember him.

He should.

Robert was the person who taught him write so if he didn't remember it, it would prove Joey does not share his eidetic memory.

9:00 AM

Joey was still excited, probably more than he should be. He had a million thoughts going through his head and he could hear every single one.

Robert was sat in the back of the taxi, tapping his fingers, listening to Footlose by Kenny Loggins.

He was getting closer to South Park and closer to his brothers. Joey was waiting on the front step with Stan and Kyle as he had been doing for the last half an hour.

Stan and Kyle were nearly asleep and Kyle had fallen off the step twice due to boredom and "resting his eyes".

9:55 AM

Robert was listening to Glen Miller, In The Mood when the taxi pulled up.

Stan and Kyle stood, with Joey hiding nervously behind them. The door opened and Joey peeked through.

The first time he's seen his brother in 6 years.

To Stan and Kyle, he looked weird.

Scraggy hair, burgundy sweater, blue scarf and an olive bag.

To Joey, he looked perfectly normal.

"Hi, I'm S-"

"Stanley, yes, I remember." He said, hugging him and patting him twice on the back.

"And Kyle, of course." He said, repeating the hug. Stan and Kyle were shocked by his upper-class British accent.

Joey was staring at his feet, smiling nervously with his hands locked together behind his back.

"Joey! 'ow ya doin', mate!" He grabbed Joey and hugged him tightly, letting him go after 3 seconds of the tightest hug Joey has ever encountered.

"Long toime, no see, 'ey boy?" He said, patting him on the shoulder roughly.

Stan and Kyle were confused as to how he went from the epitome of British etiquette to the hilariously stereotypical Bristolian.

"H-hi, Robert." Joey said, still fixed on his shoes and smiling like a giddy schoolgirl.

"Hi, Robert. It's nice to finally meet you." Kyle said, trying not to pay attention to his bizarre accent change.

"Likewise, Kyle. I presume Mother informed you that I am to be staying... here?" He said, unappreciatively gesturing towards the house.

"Yeah, do want us to help you get your bags in?"

"It would be preferable." Joey ran past all of them and yanked open the boot of the taxi, revealing the mess of bags carefully shoved in.

Joey tried to grab one and was almost tipped over by the weight.

Robert slowly walked up and took the bag off Joey, holding it with one hand as if it weighed nothing.

"Don't try fings ya can't 'andle, Jozza."

Stan and Kyle looked at each other, entirely perplexed at the name he had just given Joey.

Joey rooted through and eventually found a smaller, lighter bag to carry. Stan and Kyle grabbed a suitcase each and carried them inside, dumping them at the bottom of the stairs.

Robert handed them the two cases he was carrying and saw them struggle away to the house.

Joey was following Robert, gazing at him adoringly, when his mind started to drift to Thomas and what he might be doing at that moment...

I wonder if Joey's thinking about me, Thomas thought half-way through his day-dream.

He had his elbows leant on the desk in front of him, eyes staring at the door of the classroom.

His notebook was littered with hearts, encircling "Joey + Thomas" all of which he had drawn with a heart-shaped arrow poking through them.

He knew in some deep corner of his mind this was a huge cliché but he didn't care.

He was in love and he couldn't wait to tell him. He knew it was too early but being away from him only made his feelings stronger.

"Thomas, when you come back from your trip, can you answer the Goddamn question?"

Thomas stuttered and sat up before answering.

"Uh... 53?" It was a wild guess.

"Correct." Thomas did a quick arm-pump and mentally high-fived himself.

Mr. Garrison resumed writing on the board, quzzing the class on the latest episode of 90210, leaving Thomas's mind free to wander...

Robert was sat at the table, along with Stan, Kyle and Joey, drinking from two coffee cups at the same time, filling in the blanks of his story.

"Well, that's it."

"What do you think of South Park so far?" Joey asked, still with the same loving gaze and girlish smile.

"So far? It looks like a lump o' dog shit, but I wan' you to prove me wrong."

He said, tussling Joey's hair. Joey giggled slightly. No-one was ever like this with him.

"What sort of things do you like? You know, so we can get a rough idea."

"The norm, video games, reading, collecting, psychiatry, therapy, human psychology, writing, folklore, I've got some amazin' scary story's to tell ya 'bout England, Joz."

Joey smiled and Robert resumed his list.

"Hunting, quite a big sport in England, shooting, antiques, photography, filming, nature and... men."

Stan almost fell off his chair and Kyle couldn't shut his gaping mouth.

"W-what do you mean "men"?"

"I mean I like men. I'm gay." Joey didn't react but just looked a little bit confused.

"Maybe it runs in the family." Joey said, jokingly.

"That your subtle way o' tellin' me you favour what lies below, Joz?"

"Uh... yeah." He didn't fully understand him but he got the gist of it.

"Gotta boyfriend?"

"Yeah..." Joey said, sounding rather embarresed.

"Know anyone ya could fix me up wiv?" He said, bluntly.

"Well, there is one but he's a little weird."

"Yeah, well I'm a lot weird. Wazzis name?"

"Tweek."

"Cute?"

"Sort of, when you look past the crazy hair and the twitching."

"Sounds like my kinda guy."

"I think he's gay. If he isn't, I apologise in advance."

"No worry's, psychology's my strong point. I can uncover the 'omo in 'im."

"How long are you gonna be staying?" Kyle said, finally shutting his mouth.

"I am yet to find out, but Mother made me pack for several months, if not for permernant living."

"Really?" Joey said, sounding a little too enthusiastic.

"Yeah. With you around, I'd neva wanna leave." He said, honestly, making Joey blush.

Stan and Kyle started thinking practically. "Where will you sleep?"

"I presume the same area in which you dwell."

"We've got a spare bed in the attic. Stan and Kyle can help me get it down." Joey said, looking excited beyond words.

"Well, it's half eleven. You gonna show me around Cess Pit Valley or am I gonna discover the joys o' Colfax Avenue by meeself?"

Stan and Kyle were confused as to how he could know about Colfax Avenue.

"How do you know about that?"

"Well, let's just say Google's a wonderful thing."

He chugged down what was left of his two coffee's and hopped off his chair.

"'Kay, let's go." Stan and Kyle got up whilst Joey led Robert out the kitchen.

"Both gay. Who woulda thought it?"


	9. The Confrontation

11:35 AM

Just as they stepped out the door, Robert got out his iPhone, plugged in his WOWee One and fiddled through the mass of songs he had on it.

He eventually found a song he thought appropriate.

Eine Kleine Nachtmusik by Mozart.

Joey knew what it was immediately, but Stan and Kyle were left in the dark about it's identity.

"Okay, where do I start...?"

"Whereva ya wanna, Joz."

"Well, as you can see, in South Park most of the inhabitants are backwards, gun-loving-just-a-little-too-much, abortion-hating, gay-bashing, cousin-marrying hicks. From what I can guess, all of the adults in this town only have 3% of their brain left from all the alcohol they consume and all the bollocks TV they watch."

"Oh, you're pickin' up English swears now are ya, Jozza?"

"I only had a couple of hours to print out what I read on Urban Dictionary."

"Remember, the TV is the telly, chips are crisps, cigarette's are fags, the couch is the sofa or settee, panties are knickers, people who like club and dance music are chavs, pants are trousers, underwear is pants, women are birds, men are blokes, you adress men as mate, you adress women as luv or darlin', hooded sweatshirts are hoodies, people who wear hoodies are called hoodies and you can call someone a wanker or a twat if you're insultin' 'em."

"The British and the Americans really are different, aren't they?"

"Course they are, Americans invented themselves, gave themselves their accents, the British inherited their accents and inherited their history. Yanks are constantly whingin' 'bout things, Brits just lump it and get the fuckin' job done without complainin'."

"Really?"

"Yeah, howdya think we got through the Blitz? With British spirit, we perservered and we never gave up. Anyway, that's nuff my rantin'. Continue."

The song on Robert's iPhone had just finished and was switching to another, Fix Up, Look Sharp by Dizzee Rascal.

Joey had never heard it before and couldn't understand a single word.

Robert seemed to understand it pretty well. "If you can't understand it, you need to listen to Rizzle Kicks. They'll teach you to speak like a Brit. Hang on, lemme find one."

He flicked through and found Nasty. The second it started playing, Joey liked it but couldn't understand it again.

"Here, the lyrics are on the screen." He said, handing the iPhone to Joey. "Oh, that's what he said."

"It's easy when ya learn. Are you still guidin' me 'round Shit Village or am I wanderin' 'bout aimlessly?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry." He said, handing the iPhone back. "Well, there's a butt-load of snow."

"Tell me somethin' I don't know."

"Ah, crap." Kyle suddenly exclaimed. "What?"

"Cartman." He said, pointing across the street.

"Shouldn't that young, obese child be in some place of learning?"

"Yeah, he should be, but all he has to do is tell his Mom he doesn't wanna go and he get's the day off."

"I doubt that boy know's that is one the most unethical of practice's. What's his name?"

"Eric Cartman but we just call him fat-ass."

"Wait here, I'll give him something to think about." He handed his iPhone to Joey and walked towards Cartman.

"You!" Cartman stopped abrubtly and turned around. "Who are you?"

"Never mind that. What do you think you're doing? You should be in school, you fat little bastard."

"Look, are you gonna tell me who you are or am I gonna have to beat your ass down?"

"Oh, give me a fucking break! I doubt a fat wanker like you could even make the most minscule impact on me! Either you can go into school and apologise for being late or I can make you shit your pants like the little arsehole you are."

Cartman paused and looked across the street. Upon seing Joey, he had a question to ask.

"Are you with those douche-bags?"

"Yes, and I would prefer it if you didn't insult my brother. Have you got an answer for me or am I going to have to grab your ear and pull you there?"

Cartman was shocked. He didn't know how to react. "I...I..."

"Now, before you piss your pants, skip away to school, you fucking dickhead."

"W... I..."

"Go! You wouldn't want to miss lunch, would you, Eric?"

This frightened Cartman. Someone he didn't know was yelling at him and they somehow knew his name.

"How do you know my name?"

"Kyle told me, although I should have guessed someone as fat as you would have a name as disgusting as Cartman."

This is what made Cartman snap. He couldn't take it anymore. He lifted his fist and flung it at Robert. Joey gasped and covered his eyes. Stan and Kyle panicked and started to run across the street.

As Cartmans fist neared his eyes, Robert grabbed it and twisted his arm, making Cartman scream out in pain.

"Now that's no way to behave, is it? I'm sure your Mother wouldn't be best pleased with your manners, punching a stranger."

"Let... me... go... you... black asshole..."

"Only if you promise to be a good little piggy."

Cartman struggled to get out of his grip, failing miserably.

"Okay! Okay! Just let me go!" Robert let go and Cartman ran off down the street, wailing like a baby.

"That was amazing, Robert!" Joey took his hands away from his eyes and saw Cartman running away.

He assumed it was a victory.

He ran across the street, grabbing Robert and pulling him in for a bear hug.

"That was great! How did you do that?"

"Well, when you get beaten up every uvver day in school, you learn to fend for yaself."

"He must be really pissed off now. He's been beaten up by both of us."

"Whatdyou mean?"

"He insulted me so I broke his nose and dragged him home, screaming like a little girl."

"That's ma boy!" He said, roughing up Joey's hair.


	10. The Place

_Hope you all enjoyed the last three chapters! You better enjoy these because in just two chapters you, the reader, gets to make a decision. Intrigued? I thought you would be._

* * *

12:30 PM

After showing him round Stark's Pond, Joey, Stan and Kyle took Robert to Raisins for lunch. As Stan pushed open the doors, Robert remembered why he preferred men.

Girls barely in their 4th year of school, dancing like strippers to extract as much money as possible from young boys.

Joey didn't mind. He can ignore things when they're bothering him.

Stan and Kyle tried not to look, remembering their girlfriends and how angry they would be if an ogling was to occur.

As he sat down, Robert got out his iPhone, put in his earphones and tapped with heavy concentration. After about two minutes of silence and confusion, Joey asked him what he was doing.

"Uh, Robert, what-" Robert lifted up his finger and mouthed "one sec". Suddenly, the music blasting over the PA system changed to Will Smith, Boom! Shake The Room.

Everyone in the establishment turned around and looked at the speakers.

"Ha! This is real music!" Robert yelled, not caring who beamed an evil glare his way.

"Robert, what the fuck are you doing!"

"Hacking their computers, anything like that's a piece of piss after you've hacked into the permanent record computer at school."

"Why?"

"I like changing things. And I'll be damned if this place isn't under my ownership by the time I'm 18."

"I'll hold you to that." Joey said.

"Oh, listen to this part, it's amazing."

Joey was thinking about Robert. He was everything Joey wasn't. He was brave, never afraid of the consequences, cultured, upper-class and at the flick of a switch he could become a defender, someone to help you fight your battles, someone to be there for you and to stand by your side no matter what happens.

Joey hoped he would never leave.

The song switched over upon Robert tapping his iPhone to Pitch Up by Coone & Ghost.

"I can play this on a loop during Happy Hour." Robert said, chuckling. Stan and Kyle laughed, whilst Joey tapped his feet.

The customers seemed to stop complaining when the song switched. Robert looked at the menu with a grimace.

"Is there anything here not soaked in bacon grease? I mean, come on, fried cabbage? What the fuck?"

"It helps if you don't think about where it comes from."

"Well, I'm afraid I can't do that. My OCD and Hpyochondria makes me want to know where something came from before it comes near me. Joz, en't you 'avin anyfin'?"

"No, Sitophobia, can't eat and drink in public."

" 'ave you eva tried gettin' rid of it?"

"No, whenver I try it, I panic."

"It's easy. Just try it out wiv a drink and don't fink about it. I got over it by frowing myself in the deep end. I went to Nando's, sat down, ordered a fuck-loada chicken and chugged it down like there was no fuckin' tomorra! I think that's what you're gonna 'ave to do."

He flagged down a waitress and said "Get that scrawny little boy a bucket full of your greasiest wares, chop chop!"

She tried the eyelash flutter before asking in a far too sultry tone, "Anything else?".

Stan quivered but then remembered if Wendy saw that, he would be dead.

"3 cans- no, a pitcher of full sugar coke, I need to keep my wits about me. Stan, Kyle, what do you two want?"

They placed their orders, both trying not to look at the waitress, if you could call her that. She brushed her hand across Robert's knee in a futile attempt to get a tip.

"That's not gonna work on me, love. Bent as a post." He heard her mutter "Damnit." as she walked away.

"Well, get yaself ready, Joz. Just shut your eyes and imagine you're on your own. That usually works."

Joey was nervous but he knew Robert would help him. A few minutes and a song change to Rizzle Kicks, Down With The Trumpets, later, a waitress brought out the heart attack on a plate.

As it was set down, Joey looked in shock. How am I gonna eat any of that? Joey thought.

"Well, good luck." Joey picked up the piece that had the least amount of grease, shut his eyes and bit into it. Once you get past the fat, it's not too bad, he thought.

As he finished it, he opened his eyes and looked around the room. No-one was staring at him. He realised his fear was just stupid. He didn't need to be afraid of eating in public. This would open up a whole new window for him.

"See, Joz? It's a stupid phobia, it's easy to overcome it when you've got someone to help you."

At that point, the waitress came back with a pitcher of coke.

Robert began to pour two glasses for Stan and Kyle.

As he was about to pour a 3rd, Joey stopped him. "I don't want any, thanks."

"Sure? 'cos what's left in this jug is mine."

"Oh, in that case, pour me one." As a waitress came to the table with Stan and Kyle's order's, Robert had just finished gulping down his jug of coke.

"Waitress! 'nother jug!" He said, waving it in the air. "You're gonna need to take a huge piss after that."

"I am the master of my own bladder." He looked down at his iPhone and switched the song.

"I don't know why they haven't stopped you yet." "I don't think anyone has even realised. Morons."

He found Rizzle Kicks, Couch Potato and selected it, announcing "This is my life's theme song. Hang on, Joz, you can't eat all of those."

Robert grabbed a piece of chicken, ignoring the dripping oil and took a bite. He regretted it.

"What the fuck do they cook this in, shit?"

"I guess you were treated to caviar and lobster in London."

"Yes, I was privaliged enough to have the finer things but I learnt a fair amount from Grandfather. He was a chef for the Queen for 30 years. All I need is the right ingredients and you'll be in food heaven."

Almost 15 minutes later, Stan, Kyle, Joey had finished their meals and Robert had just thrown down another jug of coke, giving him a sugar high.

They paid their bill and as a "parting gift" Robert switched the song to Horny, Horny, Horny by Mousse T.

"See what they think of that." They all laughed before Joey asked a question.

"So, where do you wanna go next?"

"Where'dyou recommend?"

"Well, it's 1 o'clock so school's gonna be out soon. We could go back to Stark's Pond."

"That sounds acceptable."


	11. The Confession

_This is a bit of a soppy chapter but it's a vital part of the story. Hope you enjoy it!_

* * *

2:55 PM

Thomas was fidgeting and squirming in his seat with excitement. He couldn't wait to see Joey.

"Okay, class, I think seeing Eric in this deranged condition is a warning. If you get fat and stupid and you don't come to school, you're gonna get even fatter and stupider."

Cartman had been scared straight. Thomas couldn't put his finger on it. He was shoving the things from his desk into his bag with reckless abandon, not caring how much paper he heard rip or how many books he dropped.

As he zipped up his rucksack, the bell rang. Before anyone had a chance to get up, he ran out the classroom, heading down the street to Joey's house.

As he slowed down to catch his breath, he saw the four boys walking towards their house. Joey spotted him immediately. He wanted nothing more than to run up and give him the biggest hug he can muster but he had to restrain himself.

"Tom! Come 'ere!" Thomas walked up, releasing a smile he had to repress the whole day.

"So, I guess this is the boy toy." Robert whispered. Stan and Kyle held back a giggle, making them snort quietly.

"Robert, this is my uh... boyfriend, Thomas. Thomas, this is Robert, my brother."

"Pleased to meet you."

"Same here."

"So, from what Joey has told me, you sound like a passable young man. Stan, Kyle, Joey would you be so kind as to remain here for the present moment in time?"

"Uh, yeah, sure." Robert opened the door and signalled Thomas to enter.

"If you would be so kind..."

"Okay..."

"Don't worry, I'm just going to ask him a few questions. I'll return him in the same condition."

He shut the door slowly, trying not to make much of a sound. He gestured to the sofa and Thomas sat down.

Robert got a chair and gently placed himself upon it. He locked his fingers together, leant his elbows on his knee's, placed his hands under his chin and made eye contact with Thomas.

It was menacing.

After a whole minute of silence and staring, Robert broke the hollow noise.

"So, you are currently in a relationship with my brother?"

"Y-yeah."

"How do you feel when you're with him?"

"I- uh... l-like being around him?"

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

"Telling you?"

Robert frowned.

"Telling you."

"How would you describe your feelings for him?"

"I r-really like him."

"How far would you say is "really like"?"

"I was gonna tell him I l-love him, but you took me in here."

"Bit soon, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I know but I can't hold it in. I really, really love him, I just wanna tell him."

"You will have to answer these questions before I can let you. 1: Will you always provide emotional and psyhical help to him when and where he needs it?"

"Uh, I guess."

"2: Will you you share all of your problems and emotions with him?"

"Of course."

"3: When you argue over small things, will you make up immediately, after informing me of the details?"

"Yeah, sure."

"4: Will you always be faithful and promise never to hurt, injure or upset him?"

"Yeah, definitely."

"And finally, 5: Will you always help, love and support him, no matter what he does?"

"Yes, of course." Robert stood up, opened the door and aimed his hand at Joey.

"Enjoy."

He was tearing up and Thomas decided a handshake was the correct procedure.

He ran out, hugged Joey and told him, "I love you, Joey."

Joey gasped and hugged him tighter.

"I love you, too."

* * *

_Aw, it's so cute!_


	12. The Walk of Future Love

_Okay, short chapter but read it and be rewarded!_

* * *

3:00 AM

Thomas stayed the night, sleeping with Joey in his bed, after helping Stan and Kyle get the spare bed and mattress for Robert out of the attic.

Robert was up, sketching ideas for the new Raisin's.

The pencil scratching across the paper had woken Joey. He carefully unhinged himself from Thomas and walked over to the makeshift desk Robert had created.

"Robert, what are you doing?" He said, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Drawin' up plans for that God-awful Raisin's. I'm gonna own that thing one day."

"Aren't you planning ahead a little too far? I mean, there's no way you're gonna own it before you're eighteen."

"You understimate me. Go back to sleep, Thomas looks lonely in that bed by 'imself." Joey glanced back and saw a sleeping Thomas with his arm stretched across the empty space Joey had left.

"Yeah, he does." Joey sat down and crossed his legs, looking at Robert's plans.

This could be the best thing to happen to South Park for a long time, Joey thought.

After a few minutes, Robert spoke up.

"He's cute, isn't he?"

"Yeah, he is."

"D'you like 'im?"

"Yeah, I love him. Just out of curiosity, what did you talk to him about yesterday when you took him in the house away from us?"

"Just a few general questions to make sure he's right for you. Nothing to concern yaself wiv."

Joey got up and crawled into bed, grasping Thomas lightly.

"Good night, Robert."

"It's early mornin' and there's nothin' good about it but I'll oblige. Good night."

6:00 AM

Robert was drawing plans the whole night.

He didn't sleep.

He didn't need it.

He had his buisness planned out. Everything down to the knives and forks.

He never skimped on details. He rolled up the blueprints and put them into his suitcase.

Just to make sure no-one will steal them, he thought.

Without even thinking about it, he walked downstairs and out the door. An early morning walk was one of his favourite activities back in London.

I wonder if South Park is actually nice in the morning, he thought.

After walking past a few houses, he realised he was enjoying his new surroundings.

The sun starting to rise, fresh snow underfoot and the birds, tweeting happily at the beginning of a new day in existence.

He sat down on the pavement at the corner of a house. Due to his heightened senses, he heard someone approaching.

He turned around and saw a young boy's figure, ilumminated by the bright morning sun.

His face wasn't visible due to the light hitting his back.

Robert could just see his eyes and a shy, confused smile.

Who is this boy?

* * *

_Indeed, who is this boy? Well, you decide. I was thinking Craig or Tweek but, to maximize your reading enjoyment, you choose. PM or leave a suggestion in the reviews. I won't continue until I've got at least 3 different suggestions so, SEND 'EM IN!_


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